Copyright — Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
This is my story for Friday Fictioneers this week. It’s a weekly challenge to write a story in 100 words with a beginning, middle, and end. It follows the picture prompt provided for that week. It’s hosted by the talented and gracious Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week the photo was also provided by her. Thanks Rochelle.
Link: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/19/21-march-2014
The Neighbor by P.S. Joshi
I live on Floor Five of the old Ramsey Hill Towers. Every day elderly Mrs. Judson from Floor Four gets on to go for her morning walk, as I’m riding to the basement parking garage. We say, “Hello” and a few words about the weather. She then gets off in the lobby.
This morning she seemed pale and a little confused. She didn’t say anything. I thought about it during the day since it was unusual.
When I came home this evening, my husband said, “Guess what! Mrs. Judson’s son found her last night. She was on the floor dead.”
The character’s morning elevator ride will never be the same again!
LikeLike
Thanks, Siobhan, for reading my story and commenting. You’re right. If anyone rides an elevator with a ghost that’s going to change things for sure.
LikeLike
Well done Patricia, good take on the prompt, one wonders how one would feel after hearing that news.
LikeLike
Thanks for reading my story and commenting on it MT. I’m glad you liked it. I think if I heard that news, I’d need to quickly sit down.
LikeLike
Will she board the lift again?
LikeLike
Thanks, Indrajit, for reading my story and commenting. She’ll probably ride it again, but I doubt it will ever be the same. She may take a better look at anyone riding with her.
LikeLike
Wow! The chills… wonder if she’ll have the courage to use the elevator again! Loved the take on the prompt!
LikeLike
Thanks, Tinkerbell, for reading my story and commenting. I’m glad you liked it. She’ll probably continue to use the elevator as it makes getting to work easier, but it’ll probably never be the same.
LikeLike
Brave of her! Takes a strong heart to go on after seeing a dead person, knowing you might encounter them again! But then if the dead neighbor decides to stick around, I guess your character would get used to it, haha 🙂
LikeLike
Dear Patricia,
Sad story that’s often a true one. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks, Rochelle, for reading my story and commenting on it. True. Part of it was fantasy, but part was realistic. It happens to people.
LikeLike
Yes, Tinkerbell, I guess you would gradually get used to seeing them. At least in stories it sometimes happens that way. I don’t personally know of anyone who has repeatedly seen a ghost. At least no one’s ever told me about it. : )
LikeLike
Patricia,
I can see why she might be confused; dying will do that to a person. 🙂 I’m curious if she’ll come back again. If so, the main character should try to talk to her and see if she knows she’s dead.
-David
LikeLike
Thanks, David, for reading my story and commenting on it. That sounds like the beginning of a short story. Yes. Dying would be confusing, and you’d look a bit pale also. 🙂 I hadn’t thought about her taking up permanent residence in the building. She probably doesn’t know she’s dead as yet. I suppose people could get accustomed to seeing her like the ghosts in Harry Potter books or those in some of the castles in the UK or old hotels in different parts of the world.
LikeLike
Aah poor Mrs. Judson!
LikeLike
Thanks, Riya Anne, for reading my story and commenting on it. Yes, Mrs. Judson’s ghost is very confused at this time. She probably doesn’t realize she’s dead as yet.
LikeLike
Patricia, I had to read it again to realize it was a ghost because I was thinking how true it is that we too often don’t know our neighbors well at all. Nicely done.
janet
LikeLike
Thanks, Janet, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂 It is true though that we often don’t know our neighbors as well as we might think. Rochelle thought it was sad, and it was in a way. Part of it about some old people living alone and being found dead sometimes happens.
LikeLike
*shivers* that was absolutely scary and unexpected. nicely done!
LikeLike
Thanks, K.Z., for reading my story and commenting on it. I take that as high praise coming from someone like yourself who’s such a good writer in the horror genre. I hope you have a great deal of success with your book!
LikeLike
thank you 🙂
LikeLike
You’re very welcome, K.Z. 🙂
LikeLike
Oops – you got me!! Nice job.
LikeLike
Thanks, Judah, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. If you were surprised, think how the woman on the elevator with Mrs. Judson felt. 🙂
LikeLike
No doubt! lol
LikeLike
Delightfully creepy!
LikeLike
Thanks, Brain, for reading my story and commenting. I’m really glad you liked it. 🙂
LikeLike
goosebumpy! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Sarah, for reading my story and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLike
Sharing an elevator with a ghost is truly horrifying.
LikeLike
Thanks, Sandra, for reading my story and commenting on it. Yes, I guess it would be horrifying. It’s a good thing she didn’t know it was a ghost at the time. I can imagine how she felt when she found out.
LikeLike
A pale rider indeed… what a realization.. chilling.
LikeLike
Thanks, Bjorn, for reading my story and commenting. Yes, I thought I’d do another ghost story this time.
LikeLike
A great lead up to an unexpected and stunning ending, Patricia. Terrific story.
LikeLike
Thanks, Karen, for reading my story and commenting. I’m glad you liked it. I like to try out different genres for these little stories.
LikeLike
Great story – enjoyed it a lot! Nan
LikeLike
Thanks, Nan, for reading my story and commenting. I’m glad you liked it. I enjoyed writing it.
LikeLike
Guess Mrs Judson was too fond of her morning walk -not that it did her any good-that is why I avoid morning walks,lol!Loved the twist in the tail of this scary tale Patricia-well done 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Atreyee, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. Well that morning walk didn’t do her much good that last morning, but it might have helped her to become elderly. Habits are apparently hard to break, perhaps even when you’re newly dead. 🙂
LikeLike
I love ghost stories, this one was a good one.
LikeLike
Thanks, Jackie, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I like to try a genre that fits the prompt and that seemed to say creepy to me. It seemed to say that to a lot of the writers this week.
LikeLike
Always hear this kind of story in real life. Very touching!
LikeLike
Thanks, Weltchy, for reading my story and commenting on it. It is sad that the elderly are sometimes found alone and dead by relatives. What most people liked, however, was that it was a ghost story. I’ve never personally experienced any coming back. I also hope I don’t in future. 🙂
LikeLike
Good God! I would have freaked out, moved house or something. Great story Patricia.
LikeLike
Thanks, Justjoyfulness, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I might move also, if possible. It would depend, I guess, on whether she made more than one appearance. I don’t know if I’d get on the elevator alone again for a while.
LikeLike
Enjoyed the story, immensely thanks.
LikeLike
Thanks, S.W., for reading my story and commenting. I’m glad you liked it. If you enjoyed that one, you might want to click over to Adam Ickes’ Storybook Corner blog. I just published a new one there. It’s longer; about 500 words. Anyone who wants to write a bit longer story is welcome to add it there.
LikeLike
Sure, shall do
LikeLike
Patricia, Many times those of us who play along with Friday Fictioneers get the beginning or the middle, but often we miss a clear ending. Here, you’ve served up beginning, middle and end with deft skill. Nicely handled.
Cheers!
MG
LikeLike
Thanks, Marie Gail, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I’m beginning to appreciate ghosts. 🙂
LikeLike
a solid written story, Patricia. i like your character’s strong sense of intuition….perhaps it will be an asset in the future if she develops this gift.
LikeLike
Thanks, Sun, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. Yes. She sensed something was wrong.
LikeLike
Great story, Patricia. I liked this a lot. The elevator will never be the same for her. I probably would never ride another elevator ever again.
LikeLike
Thanks Amy for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I might ride the elevator again, but I’d make sure someone was on it with me. Since you liked this story, you might like the one I wrote for Adam Ickes blog, Storybook Corner. Thanks. 🙂
LikeLike
WHOA! Hit my right between the eyes. Terrific story!
LikeLike
Thanks WM for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I wrote a story for Adam Ickes Storybook Corner you might like also. It’s a little longer, about 500 words. Thanks again.
LikeLike
Cool.
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
No wonder she looked pale. For what I hear, being dead puts quite a drain on your system.
LikeLike
Thanks,Russell, for reading my story and commenting on it. Yes, it’s hard on a person. The bad news is, it’s chronic. The good news is, it’s not a pre-existing condition. Although, I doubt even so that any company will insure you. 🙂
LikeLike
Scary stuff. I bet that sent a chill through the narrator. Great stuff.
LikeLike
Thanks, Patrick, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. I even get a little scared when I reread it. 🙂
LikeLike
I guess the poor old woman was wondering what was happening, being suddenly dead and all 😦
On the plus side I expect the narrator will get nice and fit now that she’ll be using the stairs from now on.
LikeLike
Thanks, Alastair, for reading my story and commenting on it. Yes. There were pluses and minuses to that situation. The narrator will have to get up earlier though to make it to the parking garage at the usual time. Thant’s kind of a minus. 😦
LikeLike
That was an unexpected ending, interesting take on it.
LikeLike
Thanks, Patti, for reading this story of mine and commenting on it. I always enjoy writing these stories as they’re a great creative outlet.
LikeLike
I wonder what your narrator will do next time they have a feeling about someone. Really enjoyed this and how your story developed to that ending.
LikeLike
Thanks, Sarah Ann, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think she’ll take a better look at anyone riding an elevator with her. Or, maybe she’ll insist someone ride down with her to the basement.:)
LikeLike
Thanks, Sarah Ann, for reading my story and commenting on it. I’m glad you liked it. She may insist on someone riding down to the parking garage with her. I probably would. 🙂
LikeLike