Copyright–Erin Leary
Again it’s time for the new Friday Fictioneers’ weekly story. This weekly challenge is to write a story with no more than 100 words. It’s to have a beginning, middle, and end and follow the pricture prompt given for that week. The hostess for this challenge is the ever gracious and talented author Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week the prompt is a photo supplied by Erin Leary. Thanks Erin.
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/23-may-2014/
Genre: Horror Fiction
MIST AND MOON by P.S. Joshi
Near this stream the bloodied body of the stranger was found, throat torn open. Only an outsider would dare wander here at night. Mist rose from the chilled water but the full moon still cast its relentless light upon the scene.
“Wolf,” they said. But they knew; they always knew. Heavy bolts were thrown and thick shutters fastened with strong latches every night.
She was the exception and wandered alone along the bank, fearing nothing but the glowing sphere. She abruptly thrust her grizzled muzzle skyward and a tremendous howl rent the air, freezing the villagers’ blood. “Werewolf!” it warned.
Musings on Life & Experience 
Heh heh…nicely set scene
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Thanks Managua. I tried my best in 100 words. I’m happy you liked it. 🙂 —Susan
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I think she’s in touch with that other side of her nature again. Nicely done.
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Thanks Sandra. Yes that full moon does it every time. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear P.S.,
I loved your story. Good atmosphere, just the right amount of fear and dread. Your use of the the words ‘circular’ and ‘sphere’ could be edited. They are at best redundant but in reality are two different things. Consider 86’ing circular. Works better without it and you can use the extra word to good effect elsewhere. (My apologies if you are not one of those writers who like constructive [intended that way] criticism.) Overall, very well written.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug. Actually I appreciate construction criticism and will consider changing the word. I think you have a definite point. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Looks like the prompt was decided after reading the story. Wonderfully apt.
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Thanks Yarnspinner. I saw a lonely place with mist and thought werewolf. 🙂 I’m glad you liked it. 🙂 —Susan
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You are most welcome. 🙂
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🙂
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I have been a fan of the movie The Wolfman since I was a kid and to see a story like this took me back. Nice work!
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Thanks Kent. So many of those old movies have become classics. My son and I were both fans of old movies and one of his teachers in high school told him he seemed too young to have seen them. 🙂 He used to wear a felt hat pulled down in front like Humphrey Bogart. I’m glad you liked my werewolf. I don’t remember many female werewolves in the old movies but there’s no reason there couldn’t have been some. 🙂
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VERY cool, the classics. Used to watch them on TV as a kid. The closest I could think of as a female werewolf would be Curse of the Cat People. These days, a female werewolf would probably be in Marvel Comics. Not a bad place to be, really.
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My son was a comic book collector for some years, plastic envelops, file boxes, and all. I think those graphic artists are great. What imaginations and sense of color they have!
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AH.. yes.. I can see that working.. the werewolf.. and wouldn’t that be the scariest thing .. knowing what you might do at fullmoon.. when you are exposed to that orb, the menacing means to transform you to a murderer.. chilling…
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Thanks Bjorn. You’re right. It would be scary to know what would happen to you. She’s an older werewolf though and no doubt sadly used to it by now. 🙂 I’m glad you liked the story. —Susan
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Equal time for female werewolves is now an international law, Susan. 🙂 (Probably would be less ridiculous than some of the laws, but anyway…) Just the right touch of chill. I think I’d leave of the opening “Here” as you have another one soon after and it’s not really necessary. Just my $.02, though.
janet
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Thanks Janet. I thought about the matter of female werewolves and it does make sense that there’s now a law covering that. 🙂 I seem to remember seeing a bit of a Twilight Saga movie on TV and there were female werewolves, so that’s been thought up. I dropped the opening “Here” and made a couple of other changes. Thanks for the advice. 🙂 —Susan
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I like how the locals pretend out loud that nothing supernatural is going on, even though in their heart of hearts they know or at least suspect the truth.
Great stuff, I love werewolves and such 🙂
(Typo in first paragraph – “moom” instead of “moon”).
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Thanks Al. I fixed that typo in the first paragraph. Sometimes it takes someone else reading it to catch those things. I also made a couple of other small changes. I’m glad you liked the story. —Susan
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but the full moom still cast its light upon the scene (I think you mean moon ) This made me “cold” from beginning to end. When you said she walked I imagined a beautiful woman until you said raised her grizzled muzzle. BBBbbrrr.
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Thanks Alicia. That typo’s been fixed and I made a couple other small changes in words that really didn’t greatly affect the story. When there’s no full moon she probably is a beautiful woman, although older. She’s hardened to killing by this time and has the whole village frightened. I’m glad you liked the story. —Susan
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love the classic wolf story but what i like the most is the villagers’ denial that there’s something out there that’s far scarier… great atmosphere, great story! 🙂
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Thanks K.Z. I loved the way you used the mist in your story. Mist often seems to set the scene for fear doesn’t it. Also, even in real life people are often in denial so that fits in nicely. 🙂 —Susan
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Ooops! As I posted this I noticed draliman already noted the moom thing. Sorry.
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That’s okay. Thanks, I appreciated it. 🙂
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Very eerie. You painted such a clear, dark picture of the scene…a great take on the photo prompt!
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Thanks Rachel. I’m glad you liked the story. When I saw the prompt, I thought werewolf. 🙂 —Susan
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Love the atmosphere you created–very well done. Reminds me of the beginning of the film, “An American Werewolf in London.” Beware the moors!
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Thanks Jan. I’ve never actually been to the moors but they seem to be used a lot in literature and movies. I’ve seen them on TV in movies but I’m sure I’d have to be there in person to fully appreciate what they’re like. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan,
You set the tone well, but who’d have thought it was a female werewolf? I like the way you hinted at her inner turmoil. Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. She’s an aging werewolf and the terror of the village. She’s become used to killing. They’re the worst kind.
I’m glad you liked the story. I saw the mist and lonely location and thought “werewolf.” 🙂 —Susan
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Liked that heavy bolt line a lot. I’d consider dropping that last werewolf line. I’m not sure it was necessary. Maybe you could add more uncertain in the “Wolf, they said line” make it seem like they are trying to avoid the truth slightly more? Just a thought.
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Thanks Craig. I’ll think about that last line, but I’m not sure I can easily fit several words up above. Maybe it’s better if I leave it. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Oh Susan, one of your best! I love the scene and atmosphere created here. I love everything about that final paragraph! Glad you took Doug’s advice, I think the glowing sphere really works, and anything more would have detracted. As is: chilling, brilliant!
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Thanks Dawn. That means a lot coming from you as I know how hard you’ve worked on your writing and therefore have more experience. I appreciate more experienced writers helping me. 🙂 —Susan
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We are all in the same boat, Susan! Trying to write our best stories… 😉
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Well written, Dawn. 🙂
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Great stuff. So evocative. I can just visualise the villagers all huddled together inside their secured cottages.
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Thanks Patrick. I’m so glad you liked the story. In that circumstance I know I’d want to be somewhere secure and safe. 🙂 —Susan
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I love the tension in this and the fact that the villagers know what’s going on but refuse to acknowledge it. Very interesting (and bloody) take on the prompt!
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Thanks El. What’s a werewolf story without a little, or a lot of, blood.
I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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What a spine chilling story and loved the twist in the end-loved the idea of a female werewolf 😀 Excellent job Susan 🙂
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Thanks Atreyee. I don’t know what made me decide on a female werewolf. I just thought why not? 🙂 I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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I am glad you went with a different idea Susan:-)
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🙂
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I love the title and the atmosphere of stillness and dread. Great story!
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Thanks Vijaya. I’m so glad you liked it. I saw that prompt and thought “werewolf.” 🙂 —Susan
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I think I saw her drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s . . . and her hair was PERFECT!
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Thanks Russell. That’s hilarious. You had me laughing out loud again. XD She’s a beautiful woman. Just don’t go near her when there’s a full moon. 😀 —Susan
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I like a good werewolf story. You set a scary scene here. I really like your take. The throat torn *shudder* very effective.
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Thanks Amy. I tried my best. I’m glad you liked the story. What’s a werewolf story without blood spread around. :)—Susan
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Great storytelling – spine-tingling and atmospheric.
You always have a lovely rhythm to your stories that makes them a joy to read.
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Thanks Siobhan. Those are great compliments! I do my best. I followed a couple of helpful comments on this one. I’m really glad you liked that story and my other stories. 🙂 —Susan
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Chilling stuff this week, Susan. I’m left wondering if the locals will ever do anything about the problem or if they are content to let the occasional tourist pacify her bloodlust.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thanks Marie Gail. As in many horror stories, this takes place in a mountainous rural area. The young people have mostly left to find employment and the older people left behind are afraid and feel helpless to do anything. They have no money to hire outside help so just try to make do. The occasional tourist or vagrant who wanders in when there’s a full moon suffers the consequences. Perhaps one day a hero with a silver bullet will appear and put any end to the threat. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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You build a delicious sense of tension and foreboding in this. And then for her to be revealed – I’ve gone all tingly.
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you set the scene well, Susan . . . the moonlight over the body, the anxious villagers and finally the lone werewolf. i’m staying away from this place. 🙂
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Thanks Sun. When there’s a full moon, I’m staying away from that place also. 🙂 I’m glad you liked the story. I’m trying to improve on my horror writing. It’s an interesting genre. —Susan
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Quick! Someone call Animal Control! She must have missed the werewolf vaccine clinic. 😉 Kidding aside, the atmosphere was very heavy. I felt a cold, clamminess while reading it. {shiver} The use of “heavy bolts”, “thick shutters”, and “strong latches”, made me feel that this sort of threat was experienced before in the village. Take care. 🙂 Beth
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Thanks Blogging Disciple. Your comment was hilarious. I was laughing out loud. XD Yes that village is experienced in those attacks. It’s a remote area, as these places often are, and there are mostly older people there so they feel helpless. This is an interesting genre and I enjoyed writing it, seeing how much atmosphere I could get. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan, Great story! Made me nervous – good job! Awesome! Nan 🙂
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Thanks Nan. I’m glad my story made you nervous if that’s a good thing. 🙂 I worked at getting the mood right and I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 —Susan
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Hi Susan. Good story with strong scene setting. The picture prompt this week couldn’t help but draw out a few horror themed stories, like yours and mine. Surprised there weren’t more of similar ilk.
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Thanks Weltchy. You’re right, that mist brought out the horror stories. I’m glad you liked mine. I worked on that mood. Everyone’s mind works differently and the stories reflect that. I enjoyed yours. It had a touch of mystery about it and I love mysteries. 🙂 —Susan
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This feels like it could be something much, much bigger! Nice work.
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Thanks Mr. Binks. I’m glad you liked the story and I may write a longer story. Some writers seemed to like the idea of a female werewolf. 🙂 —Susan
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Vivid description sets the scene and the atmosphere. Nicely done Susan.
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Mist and moon can be pretty suggestive for many things -actually I like both- horror tales included.
I like the emotional setting in the village and in the character.
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Thanks Maru. I tried my best, as do all of us, to set the mood with the number of words available. I’m glad you liked my story. —Susan
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I love horror stories and this was very well written especially with the word limitation. Great job!
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Thanks Tessa. I’m glad you liked my story. I’m writing in different genres to see what I can do. I’m trying to improve in each. As you know, a limitation of 100 words makes it a challenge, but it’s also good practice for making every word count. I’m pleased when I’ver succeeded with a story. 🙂 —Susan
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I think the 100 word challenge helps in taking out all the extra fluff we tend to put in our stories. Of course a book would need some of that fluff, but this way you work on saying what needs to be said and then say it in as few words as possible. 33 words is even harder. I miss Trifecta!
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I know what you mean. I’m also benefitting from the help of experienced writers in Friday Fictioneers. I’d never written stories like that before I started writing for FF. When some other writers find out you’ll accept the help, they’re glad to offer suggestions. —Susan
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I write for several sites and take all the constructive criticism I get. I am getting better at it with all that help.
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We’re all learners aren’t we. 🙂 —Susan
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Yes, exactly!
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🙂
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This was different. very well done
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Thanks Nightlake. Yes, it was different. I’m trying the Horror genre. The mist and country setting make me think “werewolf.” 🙂 I’m glad you liked it. —Susan
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