Copy–Claire Fuller
Here we are another week gathered together this time in a virtual cafe across from a small town garage. We’re together once more to discuss our original stories for the Friday Fictioneer’s challenge. Our talented and gracious hostess for this gathering is the author and artist Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. The weekly challenge is to write a story with no more than 100 words. It’s supposed to have a beginning, middle, end, and follow the picture prompt for the week. This week’s prompt was supplied by Claire Fuller. Thanks Claire.
The link for all other stories is as follows:
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/11/19/21-november-2014/
Genre: Realistic Fiction
Word Count: 100 Words
THE GARAGE By P.S. Joshi
It’s still sitting there closed up. Maybe someday I’ll sell it. It was left to me in the Will so I’ll have to decide. Right now I hurt too much to think about it.
My brother John and his wife set out that sunny day last June on a planned picnic to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. There was little money to celebrate in a grand style.
They only got as far as Fenton’s Hill. A speeder came up over the hill at 90 mph and lost control.
I closed up the garage and it sits there. I’m still hurting.
Musings on Life & Experience 
…it’s amazing what can be compressed into a mere 100 words :):)
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Thanks Seumas. I’m so glad you liked the story. I decided to try for what some call “dark” writing today. When a writer gets used to it, he/she can cram quite a bit into 100 words. Some writers have difficulty writing a story in so few words. I have to work at writing longer stories, which I’m going to have to work harder at. I’m working on a memoir, but I’d like to try short stories. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I like the symmetry of the hurt at the beginning and the end of this story – you tell us all we need to know. If I could offer a bit of concrit, it would be that the middle lacks the voice / emotion of the bookends, perhaps it would be stronger if you added some of that into the mix.
I like how the garage stands to his grief though. Useless, but hard to part with. I’m sure we’ve all seen that.
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Yes, an unusually dark one from you Susan. I quite liked the ‘sandwiching’ of the facts between the two desolately emotional paragraphs – it worked for me.
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Dear Susan,
This is one that leaves the heart aching. I agree with Sandra and Jennifer about the hurt coming back around to the end. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Susan,
I’m glad someone else went with the “abandoned” garage notion this week. That was what first struck me upon seeing the photo, but it ultimately took me elsewhere. Good, unique take.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Susan, story details aside, I think this story is an age-old one. So often we’re not ready for the deaths of those we love, especially when they’re young, and whatever reminds us of them is so difficult to face. Well done!
janet
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Yes, I’m going to agree with everyone else and say that the beginning and the end really tie it together.
Claire
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This is one of your best I think .. I really like the matter-of-fact tone leaving me as a reader to figure out all the horrific sorrow in that locked door. So sad when death occur like this.
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I could feel the loss. the reluctance yet to let go… the hurt.
well done. Randy
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So well-written — for me, it works just the way you’ve created it — with the cycle of hurt at beginning and end, and the matter-of-fact details in the middle. Any more of the emotional details and I think it might have been an emotional overload.
Dark –but very well done. 🙂
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Dear Susan,
I read your story and all the comments. It is nice when a piece is so well written that the first few comments cover everything. For me, the overarching feeling was one of emptiness. You captured mood and moment well.
Aloha,
Doug
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That’s such a sad story. I can understand not wanting to let go of the garage. Give it time.
That was a very good story!
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Very poignant with the story unfolding before our eyes, from an perplexing bequest to tragedy. Very human and realistic
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You certainly conveyed the narrator’s grief effectively. Bravo.
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A sorrowful tale. Well narrated.
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Thanks Yarnspinnerr. I decided to tell a darker story this time. I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂 — Susan
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Ditto! Along with everyone else, the full-circle of this tale is spot on. Well done.
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Thanks Alicia. I’m so glad the opening and closing worked and you liked the story. 🙂 — Susan
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Great 100 words!
DJ
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Thanks Danny. I’m so glad you liked the story. 🙂 — Susan
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A well written piece, Susan. You captured the hollow emptiness that the garage symbolized to the narrator. It will be a while before he can let go and move on.
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Thanks Russell. I’m so glad the style I used for this story worked and you liked it. Thanks for the encouragement Yes, it takes time to heal from that kind of hurt. — Susan
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I really felt her hurt, particularly clever using the closed and disused garage to symbolise her emptiness. Well written.
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Thanks Maree. I’m so glad the effect I was trying for worked you liked the story. — Susan
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Beautiful story this week, Susan! The repetition of the first and final emotions is very impactful. Grief is such a big burden, and the empty garage is such a good example of that. Wonderful!
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Places and things become powerful symbols – good and bad – for all of us as life goes on. Your story shows that really well.
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Very sad. You describe the pain of grief, and difficulties caused by an unwanted inheritance, really well.
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That’s really quite a sad story. Anyway, a very good piece of storytelling. You achieved the dark place you wanted to visit.
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Well done. Great short story.
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Thanks Brenda. I’m so glad you liked story. Thanks for the encouragement. — Suzanne
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