PSA from your phone insurance carrier:

Hilarious but true. Please be nice when you call. She’s doing her best.

Dear random user of varied cell phone and such devices,

I am here for you, I feel bad for your situation and believe me I REALLY REALLY want to help you with your phone situation and get you back to connecting to your Words-With-Friends, Pokemon Go, and your favorite pastime of taking selfies and talking bad about the person you hate who may also be your best friend. Nothing would make me happier.

I cannot help that your kid is a clutz, or irresponsible, or that some jackwagon low-life stole your phone. I am here to take your call, sympathize, file your claim and then get a new device out to you as soon as possible.

BUT as the person taking your call I have a list of Do’s and Don’ts for you.

DON’T go on and on for 45 minutes about your conspiracy theory about your particular phone’s issue.

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