Copyright–Douglas M. Macilroy
Again it’s time for the new Friday Fictioneers’ weekly story. This weekly challenge is to write a story with no more than 100 words. It’s to have a beginning, middle, and end, and follow the picture prompt supplied that week. The hostess for this challenge is the gracious and talented author Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week the prompt is a photo supplied by Douglas M. Macilroy. Thanks Doug.
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/6-june-2014/
Genre: Horror Fiction
100 Words
The Artist by P.S. Joshi
Brandon let himself into his aunt’s house with his key. He was an artist and his studio was in her attic. “Hi Aunt Nora,” he said as he passed her in the hall.
She smiled. “Hello there Brandon.”
He felt great today and took the stairs two-at-a-time.
The doorbell rang. Two men stood outside flashing police badges. Nora said, “Come inside,” and showed them to the living room.
“Have a seat, ma’am,” one said, showing her a drawing. “Do you know this man?”
She nodded. “That’s Brandon, my nephew. He’s upstairs.”
“Ma’am,” he whispered, “Brandon died yesterday. Hit and run.”
Musings on Life & Experience 
I love the creepy, ghost feel of repetition when you get to the end and start over, then get to the end, without really having any answers. Good response to the picture within a picture.
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Thanks Anne. I’m glad you liked my story. I did humor last week so thought I’d try a ghost story this week. The photo had kind of a dark look about it. 🙂 —Susan
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It does, doesn’t it? I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to write and shouldn’t be looking at other people I know! But it creeped me out. Maybe it’s just the storms we’re having here, but I was like … weird, otherworldly feeling. Looking in at someone looking in.
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Oh.. yes.. I hope the aunt had been kind to him when he lived… otherwise this could be less than a courtesy visit… great surprise and original take on the prompt — Björn
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Thanks Bjorn. I think they got along quite well. She can even see him when others perhaps can’t. He may take up permanent residence in that attic. I’m glad you liked my story. I kind of hated writing “Horror Fiction” as it might have given away the surprise. 🙂 —Susan
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🙂
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This one is truly excellent. I love the perceptive understanding you have touched on.
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Thanks Yarnspinner, I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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That gave me goosebumps. Good one!
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Thanks Auria. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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Wow. I did not see that coming! Very well done.
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Thanks Jan. I was a bit worried that “Genre: Horror” would give away the ending. I’m glad that didn’t spoil the effect and that you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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Loved the twist 🙂
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Thanks Helen. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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It’s nice to know that being dead feels great.
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Thanks Dawn. I guess once you’re dead you leave the world’s pain behind. He just doesn’t know he’s dead. 🙂 —Susan
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Now that’s really creepy. But like Dawn said he’s bounding up the stairs, it must be peachy keen to be dead!
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Thanks Perry. I was using my imagination. I’ve never been dead (that I know of) so I can’t speak from experience. Nice to think it would be. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan, Freaky Ghost Story Indeed! Good job. scared me when I read it and now that I’m writing a comment. Good story. Nan 🙂
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Thanks Nan. I’m glad I got it right and that you enjoyed it. 🙂 —Susan
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Nice twist, which took me by surprise.
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Thanks Sandra. I was concerned that “Genre: Horror” would lesson the effect. I’m glad I succeeded in the surprise ending. 🙂 —Susan
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I think he’s so excited in his artist’s work he doesn’t even realise he’s dead. I hope he can move on soon!
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Thanks Al. I don’t know when he’ll be moving on. It seems some ghosts get stuck in place. Maybe his aunt will tell him now she knows. 🙂 —Susan
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I saw “Horror”, but got a completely different vibe from those first lines. And then baaam! Loved it.
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Thanks Snow. I’m glad the genre at the beginning didn’t affect the surprise ending. I’m so happy you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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That was a surprise, Susan. Good one!
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Thanks Karen. I’m glad my surprise ending worked and I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan,
Aunt Nora sees dead people that don’t know they’re dead. Great twist. I’d bound up the stairs too if I’d gotten past the dying part without knowing it.
Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug. We would all probably feel better if we were ghosts who were unaware and had left our worldly pains behind. I wouldn’t know as, to my knowledge, I’ve never been dead. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan,
I thought I commented so if I’m in your spam folder…
A rather chilling piece. I was a bit taken out by the switch from Aunt Nora’s POV to Brandon’s. If it were me I’d boil that sentence down to “He bounded up the stairs.” Aside from that very well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. I don’t know what happened. There were several comments made on June 5th that I wasn’t notified about. I just found them while double checking. Thanks for the advise. It’s kind of late to do much more to my story now, but I’ll be careful for the next one. 🙂 —Susan
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just one word Susan – “Chilling” 😀
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Thanks Horus. I’m glad my surprise ending worked and that you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Ooh, I have goosebumps right now. What a twist! I guess there was a piece he needed to finish.
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Thanks Eric. I’m glad the twist at the end worked and you enjoyed the story. He may take up residence in that attic. He and his aunt get along so well she can see him when others probably can’t. 🙂 —Susan
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Spooky. Will aunt Nora sleep in the cottage in the future?
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Thanks Patrick. You never know about Aunt Nora. She may just adjust to having Brandon as a ghost in her attic. 🙂 —Susan
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Whew. I can’t tell you how wide my eyes grew after reading that last sentence! That was a most unexpected ending! I wonder how she’s going to break the news to Brandon?
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Thanks Adelie. I’m glad my surprise twist at the end worked. Brandon and his aunt always got along well. She may not tell him as he seems perfectly happy not knowing. 🙂 —Susan
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Loved the ending. At first I thought he’d just been a bad boy. Seems something else is afoot. Cheers.
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Thanks Alicia. I’m glad that ending was a surpirse as that was what I was trying to accomplish. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. 🙂 —Susan
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very cool…i was half-expecting a version of DORIAN GRAY…yours will do very nicely, however.
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Thanks Hugmamma, I’m glad the ending was a surprise. That’s what I was trying to accomplish. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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HI Susan
Nicely done. I like the whisper from the policeman as he explains that the nephew is dead. spooky!
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Thanks El. I thought under those circumstances a substitute for “said” was called for and whisper seemed a good choice. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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That ending was unexpected after the youthful, exuberant portrayal of Brandon at the start. Well done 🙂
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Thanks Siobhan. I’m glad my surprise ending worked and you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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At least he went “upstairs” when he died. That should be some comfort to the family 🙂
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Thanks Russell. Technically his essence was upstairs. His body wasn’t. You might say that was truly a technicality in this case. His aunt is apparently his only family since the police came to her. I suppose it might be a comfort to her to have him still “around.” I haven’t asked her so I can only guess. 🙂 —Susan
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I was sure it was the aunt who would either turn out to be dead or get killed right up to the end. Well done.
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Thanks Alice. I’m glad the ending was a surprise as I meant it to be. I’m also glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Nicely told! I do love a good ghost story 🙂
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Thanks Rachel. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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It definitely is spooky. Why did the spirit come like that? His aunt might get a attack..
Sorry for feeling thus but you got me so involved in the story, couldn’t help it 😉
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Thanks Duskyisbeautiful. I don’t think he realized he was a ghost. I don’t think his aunt did either. I don’t have any idea what a real ghost might be like if they exist. I was using my imagine so anything is possible when you do that. 🙂 I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Definitely, a surprise ending! Something about how Brandon felt (vwry much alive) reminded me of “The Sixth Sense,” that rather creepy and riveting movie by M. Night Shyamalam.
Good story.
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Thanks Vijaya. I’m glad my surprise ending worked. I saw “The Sixth Sense” and that was a real surprise ending. I couldn’t see that coming and it was chilling. The whole movie was scary and well written and directed. The actors did an excellent job also. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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oh, how will Aunt Nora deal with this new situation? love the mystery you leave behind for us to think about, Susan.
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Thanks Sun. I suspect Aunt Nora is a stronger person than people suspect. I think she’ll be okay. She might even get used to having Brandon there as a ghost. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂 —Susan
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My take from the piece, Brandon doesn’t know he’s deceased. Great job.
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Thanks Cole. You’re perfectly right. Brandon doesn’t know. His aunt may not tell him either. I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Dang there goes the possibility of renting out the attic. I liked this Ghost story.
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Thanks Subroto. That comment was hilarious. I laughed out loud. XD I guess you’re right. I’m glad you liked the story. 😀 —Susan
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Leaves one wanting MORE! I was surprised at the ending. Good one!
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Thanks Lily. I’m glad the surprise ending worked and I’m glad you liked the story. Sometimes I write a longer ghost story for Storybook Corner hosted by Adam Ickes who also writes for Friday Fictioneers. Stories there run between 300 and 500 words per story, sometimes more. I wrote one last month titled, “Full Stop.” Adam also writes ghost and other creepy stories for the site. That site is like Friday Fictioneers but the stories are longer and writers have a month to submit their stories. A picture prompt is provided on that site also. 🙂 —Susan
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gave me chills. it’s sad and scary and lovely at the same time.
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Thanks K.Z. I’m so glad you liked it. When a writer of great horror stories likes mine I really appreciate it. 🙂 —Susan
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Oooh spooky! ! Love the chills that gave me!
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Thanks Jessie. I’m glad you liked the story and the mood I set. 🙂 —Susan
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Susan,
Chilling. Good tale.
One nit–the studio upstairs isn’t an artist. Perhaps you meant: “His artist’s studio was in her attic.”?
All my best,
MG
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Thanks Marie Gail. I checked out my story and changed a few things. Hopefully that will make it read better. Thank you for pointing out the problem and I’m glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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Sweet Aunt Nora, I like her. I wondered how this was going to turn into the Horror genre. Nicely done.
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Thanks Patti. I’m glad the twist at the end worked and you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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I was NOT expecting that. Brilliantly done.
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Thanks Freya. I’m glad my twist at the end worked and that you enjoyed the story. 🙂 —Susan
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A hundred words. And you don’t seem to be in hurry. Wow! 🙂
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Thanks Kutukamus. I’m glad you liked the story. I enjoy writing those challenges. 🙂 —Susan
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Very good, such a twist at the end, you built the tension well, spooky.
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Thanks Maree. I’m glad you liked it and you were surprised by the ending. I was hoping it would be a surprise. 🙂 —Susan
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Gave me a cold chill Susan–good job!
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Thanks Barry. I’m glad that surprise ending worked. I’m also glad you liked the story. 🙂 —Susan
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